I had one of the more eye opening experiences of my tender 27 years yesterday. At the behest of one of my friends over here in Edmonton, I accompanied her (under extreme duress 
) to the Taboo Sex Show for the afternoon. We were sat on the LRT on the way out to the convention centre and she said to me, “I’ve never really been to anything like this before, so I’m not quite sure what to expect”. At least I was losing my sex convention virginity to someone who was equally as intrigued and worried about what lay ahead. I felt kind of like a teenager again except my hair is a lot better now*.
So we arrived at the convention centre having spent most of the journey trying to work out if the other people on the train look like seasoned sex show goers or not. Judging by the huge variation in people inside, it was a pretty difficult task to spot them. We got inside and got given our bag for carrying our freebies home in. The sum total of my haul was more condoms and lube than I could possibly hope to use even if I got laid twice a day between now and March. Going on past form, this is unlikely to happen.
The goods on offer ranged from the fairly standard (the usual array of toys, lingerie etc.) to iPod controlled vibrators, to repulsive fat men selling all manner of latex, to candles that melted into (surprisingly tasty) edible massage oil, to the random black guy selling African hot sauce. And that’s not even a euphamism. However, there are a few high/lowlights that will be forever seared into my brain:
- I saw a woman dressed in full leather gimp costume chained to a table while a man dragged nails across her chest. That was my first big “ok WTF?!?!” moment of the afternoon. The woman appeared to be enjoying it, but I really want to know how people find out that that’s the sort of thing they’re into. “Darling, would you like to mix things up a bit by tying me upside-down to a medieval torture device and flagellating my behind?”
- Pulsating massage gloves are awesome. My companion and I were both sent weak at the knees when we had these demonstrated on the backs of our necks. I spent some time pondering if my new-found superpowers would enhance the experience for any ladies I used the gloves on. Then I decided that any ladies who saw me wearing the gloves might scream and run away.
- The robot sex toaster is the stuff of nightmares. It looked like a regular toaster. Or maybe one of those little black droids that went whizzing around the Death Star that Chewbacca growled at. Except instead of providing toast as its end product, it was simply the delivery mechanism for some kind of throbbing robocock. I’m sure that 99.9% of them are regular, well behaved sexbots, but mark my words – when the robots rise up and send us all to GuantanRobo Bay, these guys are going to be the interrogators we face…
* Even though I’m really quite bald these days, anyone who went to school with me can attest to the fact that my hair was fucking awful.
As someone who went to school with you, I can confirm what you say: You are indeed quite bald these days.
iPOD-controlled vibrators? Hmmm… do we already have that in the Philippines? Hahaha
No, I’m not asking to buy. I find this Blog funny; a different kind of adventure!
Have a blessed day!
That almost makes me wish we’d found the time to explore the “Erotik Messe” in Munich this year. Good name for a sex exhibition eh?